Isn't Aging Fun?

A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

The elderly wise woman simply replied, "No peer pressure."

After a pause, she smiled and added: "And you can hide your own Easter eggs."

"And what is the worst thing?" the reporter queried.

After thinking for a moment, she replied, "My memory's not as sharp as it used to be." Then she thought a bit longer and added, "Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be."


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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

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"How are you doing?" the one man asked his even older friend.

"Pretty good, considering."

"Considering what?"

"Well, I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends."

He paused a minute, got his breath back and added, "But, thank God, I still have my driver's license."

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A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."

"Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"

"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

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THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.