Ain't Grammar Fun

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. (That is something up with which you should not have to put!)
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
7. Always avoid annoying alliteration. (Almost always.)
8. The passive voice is to be avoided.
9.  Nine: Be consistent.
10.  Writers should never generalize.
11.  Don’t use more words than necessary. Don’t repeat.  And don’t be redundant. It’s highly superfluous. And unnecessary too.  And annoying.
12.   Also, too, besides, never ever use repetitive redundancies.
13.   Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
14.   Don’t never ever use no double negatives.
15.   Remember “i” before “e” except after “c” (except when eight feisty beige neighbors deign to seize a surfeit of weighty heifers or forfeit weird veins.)
16.  Up to 25% of people or more write nonsensical sentences.
17.  No sentence fragments.  No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
18.  Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary (and not needed.)
19.  Don’t use no double negatives.
20.  Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
21.  One word sentences?  Eliminate!
22.  Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
23.  Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
24.  Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.  Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
25.  Kill all exclamation points!!!!!!!
26.  Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
27.  Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
28.  Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
29.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations.  Tell me what you know.”
30.  If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times; resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
31.  Puns are for children, not groan readers.
32.  Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
33.  Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
34.  Who needs rhetorical questions?
35.  Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
36.  Be more or less specific. More or less all the time.
37.  Contractions aren’t helpful and shouldn’t be used.
38.  Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.