Obituary

The Pillsbury Doughboy, aka "Poppin' Fresh," died of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was born in October of 1965, at 14-ounces and 8 3/4-inch tall in a Crescent Roll commercial.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, who has a bun in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart "cookie," wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Never once was his language laced with spiciness.

Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man he was still considered a roll model for millions.

Toward the end, it was thought he'd rise once again, but he was no tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.