Church Signs #14

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.

Pick your friends – but not to pieces.
Take the “cross” road.
Certified burden drop-off point.
Wise men still seek Him.
Feed your faith and your doubt will starve to death.
Destroy enemies by making them friends (Abe Lincoln)
The world at its worst needs a church at its best.
When you are down to nothing, God is up to something.
The 10 Commandments are NOT multiple choice.
Love, not nails, held Jesus on the cross.
2 boards + 3 nails = 4 given
Trust says Jesus can. Faith says Jesus will.
For fast, fast relief, take 2 tablets.
Look up to your mother no matter how tall you are.
Jesus was a man after your own heart.

Church Signs #13

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.

1. Jesus’ Valentine message: Yours forever.
2. Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause.
3. Affected by life? Take 2 tablets given to Moses.
4. If you need help, ask God. If not, thank God.
5. You can’t fall when you kneel.
6. Cast nets, not stones.
7. How will you spend eternity – in smoking or non-smoking?
8. Where God guides, God provides.
9. Don’t dig up in doubt what you plant in faith.
10. Don’t give God what is left – give what is right.
11. Unlike socks, may your faith and actions match.
12. Under same management for over 2000 years.
13. Redemption: God’s recycling plan.
14. Need a sign from God? How about this one?
15. All TV is educational. What are your kids learning?

Church Signs #12

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and
thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long
ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here
for your entertainment and edification.

• A lot of kneeling keeps you in good standing.
• It is not WHO you are but WHOSE.
• The cold world needs warm-hearted Christians.
• Faith, like muscle, grows with exercise.
• Character is doing what is right when no one is watching.
• Life is for giving, not for getting.
• Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
• Laborers needed for God’s harvest.
• WalMart is not the only saving place.
• The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.
• Preach the gospel at all times – use words only when necessary.
• God plus one equals the majority
• Be the SOUL support of your children.
• Don’t be troubled – even Moses was a basket case.
• A friend is a present you give yourself.

The Dogwood at Easter

The dogwood is usually a spring blooming plant, often in flower over Easter. It has been "adopted" by the Christian religion as a symbol of the crucifixion of Christ. How fitting we spotted the first blooming dogwoods on the day before Easter as we hiked the Lake Fayetteville trail.



The legend says that a flowering dogwood tree was used to make the cross of the crucifixion and as a result it now grows as a living memory of the event.

Various aspects of the crucifixion are said to be symbolized as follows:

• The Cross is represented by the four "petals" (bracts) of many dogwood flowers which form a cross.
• The Nails are represented by the marks on the outer edge of the pedals, said to be nail marks.
• The Crown of Thorns is represented by the center of the flower which can resemble a crown.
• The Blood is represented by the red dogwood berries.

Church Signs #11

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.

• There is no revenge as complete as forgiveness.
• Rumor is the only thing that thickens as you spread it.
• Be ye fishers of men. We catch them. He cleans them.
• Write your hurts in sand and your blessings in stone.
• One way to get enough is to desire less.
• God’s son is brighter than your darkest hours.
• God’s plans for us are better than our own.
• We are overlooked when wrapped up in ourselves.
• You’re not too bad to come in or too good to stay out.
• Pray hardest when it seems hardest to pray.

Church Signs #10

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and
thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long
ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.

1. Use your past as a springboard, not as a couch.
2. Our attitude is the crayon that colors our lives.
3. Learn about our prophet-sharing plan.
4. No day is dark when the Son is present.
5. Something you can give and keep: your word.
6. Don’t fear all ghosts. Believe in the Holy Ghost.
7. The vitamin for a Christian is B 1.
8. The best things in life are not things.
9. Don’t count your years – make your years count.
10. Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
    

Church Signs #9

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.

1. Feed your faith and doubt will starve to death.
2. Don’t burn in Hades. Get son block.
3. To teach your kids well, learn from God.
4. Tend your heart well. It is God’s garden.
5. Bask in the warmth of God’s son.
6. Better than Stanley or World – the Cup of salvation.
7. Remember American ends with I CAN.
8. We pass the savings on to you.
9. You think it’s hot here? Signed, God
10. Home improvement: take your family to church.
11. Every home is a school. What does yours teach?
12. Good without God becomes O.
13. If you’re looking for a sign from God, this is it!
14. Tell the kids I love them. Signed, God
15. Life blah? Come in for a faith lift.

Church Signs #8

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.

1. God’s promises have no expiration dates.
2. When trouble blows, seek shelter in God.
3. A Bible that is falling apart usually belongs to a person who isn’t.
4. Accept correction and you’ll need less of it.
5. The victim of Good Friday is the victor of Easter.
6. No man ever got lost on a straight road. (Abe Lincoln)
7. In the dark? Follow the Son.
8. Give Satan an inch and he’ll take a ruler.
9. Life has many choices. Eternity has two. What is yours?
10. Heavenly forecast: Reign forever.
11. Nature’s beauty is God’s calling card.
12. The heart is an organ. Keep yours in tune with Jesus.
13. God says: My way IS the highway.
14. Dusty Bibles lead to dirty lives.
15. Jesus built us a bridge with 2 boards and 3 nails.

Church Signs #7

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.

1. The cross is more than something worn around the neck.
2. Trust and obey. There is no other way.
3. Why worry when you can pray?
4. Come on in. We’re prayer conditioned.
5. Soul food served here.
6. When life gets hard, pray harder.
7. Worry ends where faith begins.
8. Make Thanksgiving into thanks living.
9. Born in a manger – preparing us a mansion.
10. If you don’t have Christmas in your heart, you won’t find it under a tree.
11. We can come to Jesus because He came to us.
12. Christ is the biggest part of Christmas.
13. Life offers new changes. Jesus offers a new life.
14. Heaven: No pain, all gain.
15. Open your heart to God’s open arms.

Church Signs #6

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.


1. A word of love makes a world of difference.
2. Upload your worries – get online with God.
3. Salvation: Don’t leave life without it.
4. Catch the fire: Faith lifts offered here.
5. God answers knee mail.
6. Quote Jesus. He is the original final word.
7. God forgives and forgets.
8. Sign broken: Come inside for message.
9. Confession without repentance is just bragging.
10. Seven days without prayer makes one weak.

Church Signs #5

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.


1. This is the perfect church for those who aren’t.
2. Is what you’re living for worth dying for?
3. Lent is son-light saving time.
4. For all you do, His blood’s for you.
5. Jesus: God’s language of love for all the world.
6. Doubters welcome.
7. Let Go: Let God
8. Sleep peacefully – God is awake!
9. God cared enough to send his very best.
10. Summer advice: Exposure to the Son will prevent burning.

Chuch Signs #4

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.

1. Make your eternal reservations now – smoking or non-smoking?
2. Seeking a new look? We have faith lifts.
3. Will the road you’re on get you to my place? Love, God
4. Prayer will put backbone where your wishbone is.
5. If God is your copilot, switch seats.
6. Exercise daily – walk with the Lord.
7. Forbidden fruits create many jams.
8. Lent is a time to fill the potholes of life.
9. God’s retirement benefits are out of this world.
10. God grades on the cross, not on the curve.

Church Signs #3

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.

1. Let’s meet at my house before the game. Bring the kids. – God
2. Wal-Mart isn’t the only saving place.
3. Thanksgiving happens.
4. Wise men still seek Him.
5. Come in and pray today. Beat the Xmas rush.
6. Christmas says GOD IS.
7. The best gift to your child is your time.
8. Seeing shadows? Come to the light.
9. It’s never too soon to start preparing for eternity.
10. Unplugged? Come in and get current with God.

Church Signs #2

1. Our church will love you to life.
2. “Vote” is a 4-letter word. Handle with prayer.
3. Fight truth decay. Study the Bible daily.
4. God needs our availability more than our ability.
5. It is in giving that we receive. (St. Francis)
6. A thankful heart is a happy heart.
7. Join the truth squad. Follow Jesus.
8. Believe it or not: Saints ‘R’ Us.
9. It’s a treat, not a trick: God loves you.
10. TGIF: Thank God I’m Forgiven.

Church Signs #1

In my driving trips across all 50 states, I often spot clever, amusing, and thought-provoking signs in front of churches of all denominations, and long ago I began jotting them down. I'll gradually post them here for your entertainment and edification.

1. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives are developed.
2. Your attitude determines your altitude.
3. Don’t wait for 6 strong men to bring you here.
4. Free trip to heaven – details inside.
5. Spend thyme in church and become sage.
6. This is a ch_ _ ch. What’s missing? (U R)
7. Study the Bible. It’s user friendly.
8. Life is fragile. Handle with prayer.
9. The bread of life never gets stale.
10. Can’t sleep? Don’t count sheep. Talk to the shepherd.

Church Bulletin Bloopers

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon this evening: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday night at 8PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's the best chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang: "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and do not know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irvin Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

Messages from God

As I've traveled across our country hitting all 50 states, I've driven past hundreds of churches that proudly displayed inspirational messages on the sign boards on their front lawns. Here are some of my favorites:

• Worry is the darkroom in which negatives are developed.
• Don’t wait for 6 strong men to bring you here.
• Free trip to heaven – details inside.
• Spend thyme in church and become sage.
• Can’t sleep? Don’t count sheep. Talk to the shepherd.
• TGIF: Thank God I’m Forgiven.
• Let’s meet at my house before the game. Bring the kids. – God
• Wal-Mart isn’t the only saving place.
• Wise men still seek Him.
• Come in and pray today. Beat the Xmas rush.
• Unplugged? Come in and get current with God.
• Epiphany: An enterprising Star Trek.
• Make your eternal reservations now – smoking or non-smoking.
• Prayer will put backbone where your wishbone is.
• Forbidden fruits create many jams.
• Is what you’re living for worth dying for?
• For all you do, His blood’s for you.
• Summer advice: Exposure to the Son will prevent burning.
• Sign broken: Come inside for message.
• Seven days without prayer makes one weak.
• Soul food served here.
• God says: My way IS the high way.
• You think it’s hot here? Signed, God
• Learn about our prophet-sharing plan.
• Character is doing what is right when no one is watching.
• Under same management for over 2000 years.
• For fast, fast relief, take 2 tablets.
• God does not vacation from you.
• This church is a gift from God. Assembly required.
• The sign is broken. Come inside for message.
• Try Jesus. If you don’t like Him, the devil will always take you back.
• Body piercing saved our lives.
• Rumor is the only thing that thickens as you spread it.